An Old “Friend” Re-Surfaces

He’s Baaaaaack……

“Those Iraqi fighters are slapping those gangsters on the face, and then when they flee, they will kick their backsides.”

“We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked.”

“Are these the Americans? People remain silent and placate the Americans. By God, they only deserve scorn. We slaughtered them yesterday and we will continue to slaughter them.”

“God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis.”

“I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place.”

“I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of Baghdad. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly.” (my personel favorite – ed)

“The Cruise missiles do not frighten anyone. We are catching them like fish in a river. I mean here that over the past two days, we managed to shoot down 196 missiles before they hit their target.”

Baghdad Bob, or Comical Ali if you prefer, turned himself in to US authorities just after the fall of Badhdad but was deemed of no importence and released. Quickly he disappeared into the sandy underworld. Now he is back for an apparent engagement as a broadcast correspondent in Abu Dhabi.

Good luck in your new job Bob, but I think you should really look into Las Vegas, or as a replacment for Leno or Letterman. Along with Colonel Wilhelm Klink, and Sgt. Hans Schultz you actually made war fun!

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This Category Has Been Neglected Lately….

……so here are Fridays absurdities.

1. A Middle aged tourist has found someone to blame for his wife running off with a barman in Turkey – his holiday company. The slighted husband, whose name was not disclosed, said he had sent a letter of complaint to Tapestry Holidays but the company said it had not received it. Now he is planning his next holiday – with another woman.

Do ya think he’s smart enough to not take his new main squeeze to Turkey?

2. SCOTLAND’S first topless barber shop will open this week to protests by women’s groups and clergy in a bid to stop customers receiving a short, back and sides from scantily-clad stylists. Last week, the owners of the shop caused controversy when they put up a huge banner with a picture of a woman cupping her breasts outside the shop.

Two questions. Do I need to make a reservation, and if the waiting line is outside, does the place have windows?

3. A FORMER beauty queen who boosted ratings when she became a weather girl on Italian television has been sacked for being too sexy. Viewers apparently loved watching Eleonora Pedron, 21, present the weather but her bosses took action after she posed in her underwear in two men’s magazines.

Eleonora, sweetheart, I have a deal for you! How would you like to work in scenic Scotland? The tips are good

4. A SPOONFUL of worms may not go down as delightfully as sugar, but it is highly effective against inflammatory bowel disease, research has found. Following the success of trials, a drinkable potion containing thousands of pig whipworm eggs could be launched in Europe as early as next month.

Who the hell did the research? Fear Factor? Hope they launch it in France first, they deserve it after foisting that snails as food crap on the world.

5. A BAPTIST minister is to open Scotland’s first dedicated “miracle” healing centre in Glasgow. The Rev Steven Anderson has trained an inter-denominational team of healers to cure the sick, including the blind and those suffering from cancer. He stressed the centre would offer physical “miracles”, not counselling, at a weekly service.

Your location in Scotland should serve you well. Your fellow EU members will need all the “laying on of hands,” and physical “miracles” they can afford after slurping down the previously mentioned pig whipworm cocktails!

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Anger Over Abuse in Iraq

As yet I haven’t checked to see the American politicians response to the Iraqi prison abuse story that was aired last night. I’m guessing they will have plenty of sound bites and quotes available shortly. Here is some comments out of Scotland

Former defence and Foreign Office minister Doug Henderson said: “It will do the Americans no good among moderate Arab people and I think people in the West will also think this behaviour was disgusting.

“This is the sort of thing you expect from the troops of a tinpot dictator not a sophisticated Western army. The soldiers involved need to be prosecuted and punished.” Labour MP Ronnie Campbell, whose son Barry served as a Royal Marine in the invasion of Iraq, added: “This is disgraceful and outrageous. “You might expect this from Saddam Hussein and his troops but not from the Americans.”

All very well deserved. For my money these guys should be given the same treatment that was handed out, then sentenced to no less than 20 years at hard labor. What really frosts my cake is something attributed to one soldier.

One of the soldiers accused of the abuse insisted it was the Army’s fault for not training its troops properly in how to treat prisoners. In his diary, Staff Sergeant Ivan “Chip” Frederick said he told senior officers about conditions, but one replied: “I don’t care if he has to sleep standing up.”

What kind of blame shifting bullshit is that? We are to believe this young man, and he is a man, has rationalized his actions to the point that he accepts no responsilbility, that the Army created this mental midget? Sorry guy, you get 40 years at hard labor. And if I had my way, your Mama and Papa would also be seeing some time behind bars for turning you loose on society.

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A Day of Thanks to France

I know, you have noticed I love to bash France at every opportune time. But it really is a day of gratitude.

On April 30, 1803, the United States and France signed the Louisiana Purchase Treaty in Paris, by which France ceded its Louisiana Territory to the US for $15 million. Review the terms of the Louisiana Purchase Treaty here.

What a deal, 15 mil, those be Walmart discount prices. So a big THANK YOU to France, suckers.

It should also be noted this expansion in American territory led to a massive migration of Europeans westward. Among the many things they brought with them are long rifles, six shooters, and various and sundry diseases. All of which commenced a devastating slaughter of ancient Native American Indian Civilizations by bullet and viruses.

If I were you President Chirac the expectation of receiving any thank you notes from hundreds of Native American Tribes effected should be something on the order of ZILCH, NADA, ZERO

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ABC’s Nightline Program To Be MIA in Some Cities

ABC News announced they would conduct a reading of servicemen names that have given their lives in Iraq. The show to be aired on Friday night has prompted a rebellion by one group of stations. NYT reports that some cities will be blacked out.

Sinclair Broadcast Group one of the largest owners of local television stations, will pre-empt tonight’s edition of the ABC News program “Nightline,” saying the program’s plan to have Ted Koppel read aloud the names of every member of the armed forces killed in action in Iraq was motivated by an antiwar agenda and threatened to undermine American efforts there. The decision means viewers in eight cities, including St. Louis, Jacksonville, Fla., and Columbus, Ohio, will not see “Nightline.”

ABC execs are crying foul, claiming the show is meant to show “the human cost” of the war. One exec, when asked why the reading wasn’t scheduled to air on Memorial Day, a traditional day for remembrance of past wars and Veterans, mumbled a non answer, then proceeded to declare any knowledge of it being sweeps week.

A couple things disturb me about this. The claimed lack of knowledge of sweeps week is utter nonsense. The entire financial structure of network TV is based on ratings collected during sweeps week, and advertising revenues depend on these four weeks a year. As a result everyone loads up their schedule with first run movies and other specials to attract viewers, this Nightline episode being one of them. Any one that claims no knowledge of that is simply and very obviously a liar.

If the network has a desire to show the cost of war and honor the dead, why only Iraq? Aren’t those lost in the Afghanistan campaign just as deserving and worth paying homage too? They can’t claim a lack of time, the show is scheduled to be 10 minutes longer than its normal 30. An additional few minutes for the Afghanistan Veterans would be highly appropriate.

ABC may have entirely honorable intentions but the execution of their intent leaves it open to question.

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The Ketchup Queen Funds Hate

We all should have known that Kerry’s wife, via the Tides Foundation, had a connection to the vile trash displayed by the Portland, Ore, branch of the Independent Media Center last week. Now that the Center has been called to the carpet by anyone with the slightest brain wave activity, they removed the story titled “Dumb Jock Killed in Afganistan,” and offered this non-apology:

“This move is purely practical. When 100 people are shouting in a room about a topic and all trying to be heard, no one will be heard. … It is only about the shear [sic] number of postings and comments, not their content.”

It was about tens of thousands shouting to be heard, mostly all anti-IndyMedia, but I’ll leave discussion of their math skills for another time.

What’s important here is the Tides Foundation, heavily financed by Teresa Heinz Kerry, contributed $5,000 to the Washington, D.C. branch of the Independent Media Center, according to its 2001/2002 annual report (pdf).

Mama taught me that you are judged by the company you keep. Heinz Kerry continues to be associated with every extreme left-wing wacko, and foil hat wearing America hater imaginable. Plus being married, possibly, to the next President of the US.

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Something Must Be Working

This has got to be the Democrats and Kerry’s worst nightmare. And lets not leave out the Tinfoil Hat Brigade, surely they are making a mad dash to Walmart to stock up on foil wrap.

2003 saw the fewest international terror attacks since 1969

There were 190 acts of international terrorism last year, compared with 198 in 2002 and 346 in 2003. It was the lowest figure in 34 years.

In those attacks last year, 307 people were killed, compared with 725 in 2002; 1,593 people were wounded, compared with 2,013 in 2002.

Thirty-five Americans died in 15 international terrorist attacks. The deadliest was a May 12 attack by suicide bombers in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, that killed nine U.S. citizens and 26 people overall.

Anti-U.S. attacks increased slightly to 82 from 77 in 2002. But they have declined sharply since the 219 attacks in 2001.

Asia had the highest number of international terrorism attacks, with 159 people killed in 70 attacks.

What’s the Democratic “company line?” Iraq has nothing to do with terrorism. I guess some can still argue that point, but its obvious that having a “pre-emptive strategy” has had some effect.

And while on the subject read this, and ask yourself, what good has come of Kerry’s, and many others, constant verbal diareha on Iraq.

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