I have never expected a free Big Mac from McDonalds, just a reasonably priced one. If the KFC Boardroom adopts a “PETA way of business” I’ll have neither, and my chicken breast with teriyuki sauce with be assessed a surcharge for “inert gas.”
The fast-food giant said it is studying the possibility of “controlled atmosphere killing,” in which chickens are killed by replacing oxygen in the air they breathe with an inert gas, such as nitrogen or argon.
It would replace a slaughtering process in which chickens are hung by their legs on a moving conveyor line and pulled through an electrified vat of water. The electrical charge is supposed to stun the chickens, and then their throats are cut.
Let’s pretend for a moment that you are a chicken. (I’d use a human example, but we are assuming the PETA mindset and the transference of human feelings and emotions to a damm CHICKEN are critical to the scenario)
You have been convicted in the KFC Court of Law for conduct unbecoming a Rhode Island Red. The sentence carries with it the death penalty. Proud and regal poulet that you are, a last cigarette and a choice of your final demise are given. Your choices are:
A) Sucking your last breaths thru a hosepipe supplying gas “having no biological or catalytic activity,” most commonly refered to as being “inert.” Not to put to fine a point on it, but it would be similiar to a tightly wrapped bicycle chain around your neck. The lack of oxygen passing thru your windpipe could also be described as “having no biological or catalytic activity.”
B) Your second choice is the traditional KFC method of “6 piece Nugget” preparation. Hung by your feet you hurdle down a conveyor and receive a stunning electrical shock just prior to a specialized poultry Ginsu knife sliceing and diceing your mostly pristine neck. (except one small tattoo of FogHorn Leghorn) Your now severed head looks up at your former “motivation unit” doing the classic “chicken with it’s head cut-off dance.”
So… What’s it gonna be bucko? a quick and easy slicing and dicing? Or the slow agonizing struggle for… well, for nothing… except “inertness?”
And be quick about it, the next customer in line ordered a 12 piece box.