Archive for the ‘Fridays Follies’ Category

Art gallery owners in Poland are facing jail over a giant poster of a naked Minnie Mouse sprawled on a huge Nazi swastika.

The billboard – advertising an art exhibition – has infuriated locals as it is plastered next to a synagogue in Poznan.

“For me, it is quite shocking, and even more so for people who remember the World War II, and especially for people who suffered during it,” said local councillor Norbert Napieraj.

During World War II, the synagogue was closed and looted by Nazis before being flooded and turned into a swimming pool for German soldiers.

Now prosecutors are studying the poster to see if it promotes fascism, punishable by three years in jail in Poland.

But gallery manager Maria Czarnecka said: “This billboard is for a poster exhibition and in no way does it promote fascism or support the Nazi regime.”

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Lesbos Unite!

Greek isl of LesboWell… unite if you’re not a lesbo and living on the Greek island of Lesbo.

In that case, man – if you’ll pardon the expression – your lawyers!

Three residents of the Greek island Lesbos are suing a group over its use of the word “Lesbian,” the Associated Press reports.

They want a judge to order the “Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece” to change its name.

“My sister can’t say she is a Lesbian,” Dimitris Lambrou, one of the plaintiffs, tells the Associated Press. “Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos,” he says.

The group he’s targeting says it will defend itself in court. “This affair is totally ridiculous,” spokeswoman Evangelia Vlam tells The Telegraph.

Damn, what’s this world coming to when a respectable carpet muncher can’t even be called by the name they have used for decades?

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Time CoverFurious World War II veterans called for a boycott of one of America’s most influential and respected magazines today over a controversial picture on its front cover.

Next week’s Time magazine cover is based on the famous photograph of marines raising the US flag on Iwo Jima during the bloody battle in the Pacific. But artists have replaced the flag with a tree to illustrate an article about global warming. As well as the angry veterans, the image provoked a huge backlash among younger Americans who have been brought up to honour their flag.

Iwo Jim veteran Donald Mates, 81, said: “It’s an absolute disgrace. Whoever did it is going to hell. That’s a mortal sin. God forbid he runs into a Marine that was an Iwo Jima survivor.” Mr Mates was badly wounded and saw his best friend die beside him during the 35-day battle in February and March, 1945. He suffered 30 years of operations to remove all the shrapnel from his body.

Former platoon leader Lt John Wells, 84, said: “We’ll stick a dadgum tree up somebody’s rear if they think that magazine cover is going to cure anything.” Tim Holbert, spokesman for the American Veterans Centre, said: “This photo trivializes the most recognizable moment of one of the bloodiest battles in US history.”
Iwo Jima Flag Raising
Time managing editor Richard Stengel said: “Our story says there needs to be an effort along the lines of preparing for World War II to combat global warming and climate change.”

And “mr.” managing editor, that couldn’t have been done by using another image, one that doesn’t denigrate the sacrifice of tens of thousands, both Japanese and Americans, that lost their lives in the bloodiest battle of the Pacific Theater?

Joe Rosenthal photographed five Marines, Ira Hayes, Mike Strank, Franklin Sousley, Rene Gagnon, Harlon Block, and a U.S. Navy corpsman, John Bradley, raising the U.S. flag atop Mount Suribachi. The photograph records what was actually the second flag-raising on the mountain, which took place on the fifth day of the 35-day battle. The picture became the iconic image of the battle and some claim it to be the most reproduced photograph of all time.

“mr. managing editor” of time magazine (lower case intentional) take a good look at it and tell me which is more important. It DAMN sure isn’t praying at the altar of The Goracle sipping his Kool-Aid of Inconvenient Bullshit.

MorganWrites notes Stengel also appeared on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” on April 17 where, no surprise, he displayed what a blithering idiot he is:

“I think since I’ve been back at the magazine, I have felt that one of the things that’s needed in journalism is that you have to have a point of view about things,” Stengel said. “You can’t always just say ‘on the one hand, on the other’ and you decide. People trust us to make decisions. We’re experts in what we do. So I thought, you know what, if we really feel strongly about something let’s just say so.”

Um no, asshat. Time is, or I should say was, a news magazine.

News, as in reporting of it without bias or preconceived notions by its writers or any other member of the editorial staff.

And these fuckwits wonder why circulation of all the legacy media outlets are tanking.

If you possess Photoshop mad skills and have a desire to counter what these jack holes have done this is the place for any images you may produce.

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California utilities would control the temperature of new homes and commercial buildings in emergencies with a radio-controlled thermostat, under a proposed state update to building energy efficiency standards.

Customers could not override the thermostats during “emergency events,” according to the proposal, part of a 236-page revision to building standards. The document is scheduled to be considered by the California Energy Commission, a state agency, on Jan. 30.

Let me get this straight, even if an “emergency event” occurs like say an extreme drop in temperature when a winter storm moves through the area, as happens all the time, I have no ability to tinker with MY thermostat, in MY house, to take the chill off my babies, dogs and the flat beer sitting on the coffee table.

During times when the Santa Anna winds blow in off the desert and temps rise into the three digits I can’t crank up the aircon to an acceptable level!

Is that about it? This isn’t just nanny-state, its down right 1984ish!

These people, and I use the term very loosely, are the nuttiest of the nuts!

They will have to pry my thermostat from my HOT & SWEATY hands under threat of death. (and even that won’t work!)

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“Violated, betrayed and disgusted.”

Those are the words of Sean Dubowik, who went into the prestigious Mayo Clinic for routine gallbladder surgery, and discovered the doctor had photographed his penis during the procedure.

Not content keeping his “trophy” to himself the doctor apparently showed it around to some of his colleagues. That was immediately followed by a call from the clinic noting the offense, suspension of Dr. Hansen, and profuse apologies: Chief executive of the hospital Denis Cortese said in a statement: “The insult to our reputation, our patients, and our staff is the greatest outrage. We are taking this extremely seriously.”

While I understand Mr Dubowik’s feelings of betrayal I also have a feeling business is about to pick up, as they say, at his place of business.

Having a world-wide story of your tattooed penis (yes I said tattooed, with “Hot Rod”), when you’re a strip club owner isn’t exactly a customer killer if you get my drift.

I smell a “special ladies night” in the offing.

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This may not be the stupidest thing I’ve ever come across but it’s damn close. Too close for comfort, truth be told.

The next time you beat your keyboard in frustration, think of a day when it may be able to sue you for assault. Within 50 years we might even find ourselves standing next to the next generation of vacuum cleaners in the voting booth.

Far from being extracts from the extreme end of science fiction, the idea that we may one day give sentient machines the kind of rights traditionally reserved for humans is raised in a British government-commissioned report which claims to be an extensive look into the future.

Visions of the status of robots around 2056 have emerged from one of 270 forward-looking papers sponsored by Sir David King, the UK government’s chief scientist. The paper covering robots’ rights was written by a UK partnership of Outsights, the management consultancy, and Ipsos Mori, the opinion research organisation.

“If we make conscious robots they would want to have rights and they probably should,” said Henrik Christensen, director of the Centre of Robotics and Intelligent Machines at the Georgia Institute of Technology.

Critical thinking this is not.

Quick, someone figure out which replicant the [Dim]ocrat Party will support for president in 2056?

I’m thinking Rep. Mohammad Automaton ([Dim]ocrat Silicon Valley) who runs on a platform of Social Security reform (Replicants to receive benefits), Nation Health Care (at Jiffy Lube) and elevating the ACLU from a private organization to a government Cabinet level post.

But I could be wrong.

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New Zealand’s high school students will be able to use “text-speak” in national exams this year, School officials said Friday.

Text-speak, a second language for thousands of teens, uses abbreviated words and phrases such as “txt” for “text”, “lol” for “laughing out loud” or “lots of love,” and “CU” for “see you.” The move has already divided students and educators who fear it could damage the English language.

Which raises a serious question; Who will translate test papers written in “text-speak” for a teacher that doesn’t understand the lingo?

New Zealand’s Qualifications Authority said that it still strongly discourages students from using anything other than full English, but that credit will be given if the answer “clearly shows the required understanding,” even if it contains text-speak.

I hate to be the one tell the NZ Qualifications Authority this, but your all dumber than dumb! (that’s DTD in “text speak”)

You don’t “discourage” the use of text speak, you ban it’s use altogether! And while you’re in the “banning mood” forbid cellphones & BlackCrackberrys from classrooms during examinations as well.

The minor United Future Party said in a statement: “Untd Futr is cncernd bout da xeptnce of txt spk 2 b allwd in ritn xams 4 NCEA (United Future is concerned about the acceptance of text speak to be allowed in written exams for NCEA).”

“Skoolz r ther 2 educ8 + raze litracy 2 certn standrds (Schools are there to educate and raise literacy to certain standards),” the statement quoted United Future legislator Judy Turner as saying. “NCEA shudnt let da standrd b decidd by informl pop cultr of da time.”

Internet blogger Phil Stevens was not amused by the announcement. “nzqa(New Zealand Qualifications Authority): u mst b joking,” Stevens wrote. “or r u smoking sumthg?”

Leave it to a blogger to set the nimrods straight!

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Normally the Friday’s Follies column is reserved for the stupid things us humans do on occasion. Robbing a bank and leaving your drivers licence behind would qualify. Or if you’re looking at the other end of the robbers gun asking, “is that gun loaded.” (And they say there is no such thing as a “stupid” question!)

This Friday is dedicated to stupid politician tricks and we start with pseudo-Republican Lincoln Chafee. After a year on the job UN ambassador John Bolton’s ame was resubmitted for confirmation. A vote was expected Thursday by the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and predicted to be along Party lines.

It didn’t happen, the vote was blocked by pseudo-Republican Chafee. He made the claim, thru a “spokesman” that “he still had questions that were not answered.” Chafee is expected to send a letter to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice outlining his questions about Bolton.

Hey ASSHAT, you’ve had a year to send your questions via the U.S. Post Office. As screwed up as they are I feel relativly confident you could have gotten a response by now. The only response you deserve at this late date is, go fuck yourself with a rubber hose… with the lawn sprinkler attached! NOTE: Sen. Christopher Dodd needs to use that rubber hose as well. His plans are to recommend his colleagues filibuster the floor vote on Bolton to keep him from being confirmed.

Just fuckin’ brilliant! At a time when the Iran, and N. Korea issues are hot & heavy these mental midgets want to filibuster Bolton. You can almost hear Iran’s Ademajihadist and N. Korea’s “Lil Kim” whispering to the Security Council members, “Hey, don’t listen to them, they can’t even get a vote on the legitmacy of their ambassador!”

ASSHATS, one and all!

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A man from Florida faces charges after attempting to bribe a policeman with McDonald’s cheeseburgers.

Steven T Denton, from Marathon, was originally arrested following a fight at a local pub but tried to avoid being locked up by bribing the police officer on duty, reports Keynoter.com.

Deputy Mark Eastly said: “Denton told me that if I would drive him to McDonald’s, he would buy me two cheeseburgers if I let him go and did not take him to jail.”

Spotted @ Pickled Pundit

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Sunday Silliness

Yes I know the category suggests I’m two days late. But my dog ate my…. no, actually it was interference from a solar storm…. er, it was the snow! That’s it, the damm East coast blizzard, 12,000 miles to the East of me! That’s my story, etc, etc…

Continue reading for more tall tales:

Antactica to get post office, “CHINA is considering setting up a post office in Antarctica after several trial deliveries to the world’s southernmost continent, state media reported.”

Gets damm cold down there, won’t their tongues stick to the stamps?

Scientists wade into 150-year-old poo. “EXCITED archaeologists are sifting through the contents of 150-year-old New Zealand toilets to get a better understanding of the everyday lives of early settlers.”

Wonder what the retirement age is for a job like this? 30 years? 20 years, or closer to 2 hours!

‘Aussie Bruce Willis’ not so dinky-di. “A SERBIAN Bruce Willis lookalike who passed himself off as the star was caught out – because he thought anyone called Bruce must be Australian. Goran Markovic successfully conned people into thinking he was the Hollywood actor until he was caught using a fake Australian passport and accent instead of an American one.”

No comic retort forthcoming, this guy is just dumb as a box of rocks, and those conned dumber than a sea-going shipping container full of them.

No pay, no vacation for 17 years. “A FRENCH cook who worked for no pay and no vacation for 17 years has won a case against his former employers after producing evidence of his exploitation that had lawyers shaking their heads in disbelief.”

What’s French for box of rocks? Oh yea, boîte de roches.

Aussie girls can stand to pee. “WOMEN, rejoice! One of the last bastions of gender inequality is about to be banished and with it the long, long line for the ladies’ loos.

The Shee Pee, as its affectionately known in Europe, will make its Australian debut at this year’s Melbourne event in a bid to cut loo queues and offer women a more hygienic option to conventional toilets.”

Big deal, that’s the easy part. Let me know when they can “shake it” then get back to me.

Oh, You Ordered the No-Tooth Crust? “An Italian restaurant that sold a pizza with a human tooth baked into the crust has been fined nearly $4,000 for a lack of hygiene.”

What! This is an outrage, isn’t enamel one of the essential elements to a balanced diet? Well… isn’t it?

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